How to Win friends and Influence people
; Dale Carnegie
This is just a book review.
These are not my words.
> The person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people – that person is headed for higher earning power.
> Build a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.
> We learn by doing.
> Criticisms do not help.
> Making the other person want to do it.
> The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.
> Dr. Dewey says that human beings desre to be important.
> There are basic desires: health, food, sleep, money, sex, children, being important, and better life.
> Human beings want to feel being important, which separates them from animals.
> If someone tells you how the one gets the feeling of importantce, you can know the person. This determines the character.
> Appreciation and encouragement make people to do great things.
> Wives run away fro you because of lack of appreciation.
> Appreciation has huge power.
> Appreciation feeds self-esteem of people.
> Flattery is not appreciation.
> Figure out the person’s good points.
> Flattery is insincere.
> The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
> You made the contribution because you wanted something.
> Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire.
> The only way to influence people is to talk in thers of what the other person wants.
> Think. “How can I make this person want to do this?”
> You can persuade someone by showing advantages and disadvantages.”
> Do not tell anyone what you want.
> Get the other person’s point of view.
> Do not use ‘please.’; use ‘preferred.’
> Do not let them know what you want.
> Make people eager to do it.
> People are interested in themselves.
> Appreciate your audiences and customers.
> Sincere care for others can make yourself win.
> Learn your regular customers.
> Be interested in others.
> Encouragement is more effective than punishment.
> Smiles are very important.
> I fyou have a fun with what you are doing, you can get success.
> You can control your feelings by actions.
> Be happy each moment; hapiness comes from yourself.
> Remember peopl’s names; last names too.
> Call them with humility.
> Your employees can change your business.
> Make people feel important.
> Many people want their listeners.
> Do not complain to the worker; talk to a manager.
> If you are a manager, listen to the angry customer.
> Make the angry person feel important. This is the method to calm the customer.
> Educate yourself.
> Encourage others to talk about themselves.
> Before invite guests, study about them; research their subjects.
> For an interview, talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
> The law is this: “Always make the other person feel important.”
> Be civil.
> Almost people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way.
> George Eastman, a multimillionaire, is very proud of cheap chairs he has painted.
> Talk to people about themselves.
> Avoid arguments. Do not humiliate others. Do not win. Do not prove you’re right.
> Winning an argument is an empty victory.
> People argue because they want to feel importance. Treat them high and they will stop.
> Buddha says, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but love.”
> A misunderstanding never stops by an argument but by a sympathy and a compromise.
1. Discard your first impressions.
2. Control your temper and listen.
3. Find the different points.
4. Admit honestly.
5. Promise to think over.
6. Thank that person for the interest.
7. Promise to decide together.
> Although you’re right and logical, you can not change their minds. You will make them more defensive.
> As Galileo says, “You can not teach a man anything. You can only help him to find it within himself.”
> Lord Chesterfield syas, “Be wiser than others but do not tell them so.”
> Admit that you are wrong; that is the start.
> If we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden over hearts,
> Read Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography.
> Appreciate rebukes.
> Show respect for the other’s opinions.
> If you’re rebuked, admit that you are wrong. You can even avoid penalties with this.
> Avoid fighting; they are useless.
> To win someone, you’ve got to be his or her sincere friend.
[Robert F. Black’s Story]
His employees were strking. This president gave baseball tools to the strikers and played baseball together. After that, his employees stoped striking.
> Warm-up and cool-down. Then, discuss the matter. For example, you talk about vacations, TV shows, books, etc. Then, start talking the matter.
> Begin in a friendly way, Then, be a friend. Then, discuss matters.
> Do not discuss things with disagreements. Start with agreements.
> Focus on their sakes and not your sakes.
> Question the problems.
> Make them keep saying “Yes, yes.”
> Do not talk about yourself; let others talk.
> Do not interrupt their conversations. You will fail.”
> Before an interview, research about them.
> La Rochefoucauld says, “If you want enemies, excel your friends, but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”
> Get suggestions from your clients for the services or the prodcuts.
> Let the other feel that the idea belong to the one.
> Pause for a minute.
> Be the opposite eperson’s side and talk from the one’s viewpoint.
> Come to the place two hours before the interview.
> Be the clinet’s side. Explain them how you try to help them.
> “If you are satisfied with the results you are now getting, why changes? If you are not satisfied, why not experiment?
> Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic.
> Dramatize your ideas like TV does.
> Be very creative to dramatize your ideas. For example, you can offer some forms, samples, etc.
> The major factor that motivated people old time was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forwards to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.
> Be careful when you suggest your opinions. Start with praises and appreciations.
> Sometimes being silent and no talking about matters can fix the problem at a meeting.
> Give a present and criticize if praising and criticizing doesn’t work.
> Be a good example first before you give an order.
> Direct their mistakings to less effective outcomes or rewards so that they will still feel important and be motivated.
> Show humility before criticizing someone and reveal your similar mistakings.
> When you order someone, explain the situation. Also, use friendly questions than ordering.
> Use meat instead of a whip.
> Use praises, recognitions, and rewards.
> Do not flatter.
> Give a good thumb to the slight improvements.
> Let them know their fine reputations.
> Give one good name.
> Train someone patiently with encouragement.
> Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest with rewards or names.
> Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
> For the great leadership, learn to speak effectively.
> Sell yourself and your ideas.
> With good talks, you can make a lot of friends.
> Self-confidence is a key to public speeches. To develop self-confidence, do the things you fear and get a record of successful experiments behind you.